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WRITERS EYES / ASCRIBER Uniting Writers Around The World Online Writing Group
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by
Kath Joslin
Waterside Park
The sun was beginning to drop below the level of the highest trees now. I should have been at home really, but it was pleasant enough here. I could have murdered a beer. I couldn't remember having been here before, but apparently it was somewhere I was often brought as a child. No distant nostalgic memories came to mind. The fierce white light of the daytime was giving way to yellowish tones now and even the crunchy yellowing grass looked revived as the coolness of the shadows pervaded the western edges of the park and the banks of the lake.
Then I saw her from across the lake. She was wearing a floral dress, quite long with her shoulders bare. “Hmm, very youthful” I thought. She had a small dog with her. I couldn't make out the breed from where I was. She passed by an elderly gentleman who was padding along with an equally ancient Jack Russell. The old dog had crapped on the path a few feet back but the aged gent didn't seem to notice. They chatted for a moment and having nudged the old chap playfully in the ribs, they both departed, chuckling, in opposite directions.
“Huh, I see she's not beyond flirting with old fellas then.”
I carried on watching, a little bewitched, as she rounded the corner of the lake. She seemed to be walking more purposefully now and the little dog, a spaniel (cocker or King Charles, I never did know the difference between the two), required occasional light tugs at the lead to keep him proceeding in the right direction. It was then that she caught me looking directly at her and the corners of her mouth curled slightly into a coy smile. She dropped her chin to her chest for the briefest moment, before she lifted her face back in the direction of the footpath, smooth and placid once again.
She continued, passing directly in front of me and feigned throwing something in the waste paper bin adjacent to the bench I was on, before seating herself and beginning to cosset the little dog, which fussed and flapped in front of the bench.
“Nice dog.” I said, by way of introduction, as shifted my position slightly on the bench “Whose is it?”
“Oh, Maggie my neighbour.” she offered “I thought it would seem more natural to be here walking a dog.”
After a long pause, during which I looked alternately at the ground, and sideways at her brown sandal-clad feet, I asked “Why are you here, Jeanne? You said you had something you needed to talk to me about?”
She huffed gently, stretched her legs and feet out in front of her. She cast an aura of warmness around herself which was hard not to find attractive. I was actually happy to be sitting next to her, here, in the sunshine. “Why can't I be part of your life, Richard?”
I still wanted to please her, she was special, somehow. But I was wary too.
“Look, you know it's not that simple. I'm married now and things are different. It's not like you were ever going to move in or anything. What do you expect me to do? Tell Liz and we can all play happy families?”
“Don't be ridiculous, Richard. I never wanted that sort of relationship from you. Not once.”
“No, clearly not! Otherwise you wouldn't have walked out on me back then. I was vulnerable – why couldn't you see that?” I could feel the edges of my eyes sting slightly and I blinked hard.
“Look, I was really messed up back then & I made some bad decisions. A lot of things were really screwed up, stuff that you don't know about. I was too young. I thought I had friends but I was wrong.” She was rubbing her forehead wearily with her left hand. “All I want is a bit more of your time. It's nearly two months since I saw you last and you promised me that you would tell Liz and we could be more open about all this.” The little dog sat stupidly in front of her, turning its head from her to me to her again, as we spoke.
“Or have you changed your mind?” she accused “Should I just disappear back to where I came from and not bother you again?”
“NO!” I cried, suddenly afraid of losing her again “But Liz has been there for me and you weren't! She helped me sort my life out. Then I had to tell her why the depression hit so hard when my mum died.” Jeanne's eyes dropped and she became very quiet. She looked for all the world as if I had just struck her.
I felt guilty. All this time I had kept Jeanne hanging on with text messages and hurried phone calls made from my desk, and secret rendezvous in coffee shops and art galleries. It had been kind of exciting, meeting in secret like in a spy novel. She had even moved to our town so she could see me more easily. But I wasn't sure of her motives and had wondered if moving for my benefit hadn't been a bit obsessive. That was when I had resolved to distance myself from her a little more.
“Look, Jeanne,” I said, measuredly “I don't think that now is the right time, Liz is pregnant.” She lifted her head quickly and looked me square in the face, her neck lengthened, her brown eyes wide and blinking. “How far gone is she?”
“Five months, look Jeanne…” I was interrupted.
“Then you need to tell her straight away.” she clipped “It's not fair to keep this a secret from her and it will be even more difficult after the baby is born. What are you afraid of?” she paused just for a moment as her jaw dropped and a exasperated puff of breath pushed it's way out “Are you afraid that I'll make a scene? She's even met me, for Christ's sake?”
“She has? When? How did you find her?”
“Oh, don't panic. She doesn't know who I am. I found her in the chemists when she was at work. I only bought some cough mixture.” She paused “She's very pretty, Richard. Don't make the same mistakes I did.”
She turned her eyes to me affectionately and took my hand, cupping it gently in hers. I turned my face to examine hers, the laughter lines around her eyes, rimmed round with dark eyeliner and too much mascara, the highlighted hair cut neatly in a style that was a little too young for her.
“I'm really pleased for you, about the baby. You know, you look a lot like your granddad, Richard”
“Do I?” I said
“Sure. You used to play with him in this park, when you were tiny. I'll tell you about him if you like. ”
Kath says -Please help me out, guys. I'm not entirely happy with this and really struggled to keep the word count down. I think I know where I have gone wrong but I would value your objective views. Many thanks Kath
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