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WRITERS EYES / ASCRIBER Uniting Writers Around The World Online Writing Group
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by
DOUG PRINA
A TALE OF TWO HATS
I put my new hat as I leaved the house for my work. The weather was very cold and white like inside of the fridgerator for making the food like stone. The trees and the cars, all things was covered in the ice. Even the ice was covered in the ice. That was the sort of thing the English always say. I was a learning the copy very well. The English also told me that the cold weather was like the monkeys being made out of the brass. I didn't understand that so good. But the English were teaching me very good about what they were calling the weather. They were talking about the weather every time I was speak to them.
The English people were also telling me that my hat was made from the wool that was coming from a sheep. I knew where the wool was coming from. They were thinking I was not that much clever. In the Spanish we called sheep ovejo. But still the English people were wanting to tell me that that the wool came from a sheep when it came from ovejo also. I was knowing the words. They couldn't be seeing that what I was really wanting to know was how to put the words in the order right.
My new hat was also having the bobble on it. The English told me that also. They didn't tell me what the bobble was going to be doing. I was thinking that it was not going to be doing so very much. The hat was the colour of the claret and the blue. It had these two words written on it: THE HAMMERS. On top of the words was a picture of the two hammers. The policeman he told me to buy this new hat for the West Ham. The man selling in the shop he say THE HAMMERS is the same as the West Ham. It was a strange that in England they say they are the free people when the policeman he choose the hat that you had to be wearing. It was not like that in Venezuala. In Venezuala a man he can choose his own hat to wear.
As I am telling you the story so I fill you in a little time. Just because my English is not so good is not meaning I am not knowing so good how to be doing a tail of the story. I write many stories in the Spanish. This is my first I am doing in the English.
I just come from Venezuela to leave in England for one years only. The first thing I do when I come was to learn the English speak. I went to a school teaching the English speak for the summer times and was thinking it was not so hard to learn. My friends at the school were speaking the English to me and I was very understanding it really good. This made me so happy. Also the school was in the London which I was liking very, very much better than Caracas. I thought I was understanding the English really good until I tried to speak it with the English. I was always thinking before that they would be the best people to speak the English to. They would be knowing the English better than my friends at the school. They might possible be knowing it more than Americans.
I was more wrong than ever since I was a baby. I got the work in a shop in Bethnal Green that was selling the burgers. I was leaving in the Bethnal Green since I came to the England. It was very nice in Bethnal Green and the English were very like friendly people but they always say I was leaving in the Befnal Green. But the first English I was speaking to were all understanding my words very good. There was much understanding when I was speaking to them. They were knowing what I was saying all the times I was doing the speak. The no understanding was for me when they did the speak. They were not saying the English words like I learn in a school. They were speak a little different English that always sounded like to me the speaking of a strange man who was being a little bit mad.
I felt much safer in my new hat. The early time of the doors when I come to England I buy a first hat when the ice came. This hat was getting me always into a very much trouble. The English they said to me that this trouble was called the Barney Rubble. I was not understanding that so good. Anyway the first hat I buy in England was the 25p. It was the blue and the white one and it was having these words at the front: CHELSEA F.C. It was the second hand but not the one in the clock and I got it from the end of a motor car at the back. The car was in the field where they put the cows that was looking like a car park in my mince pies. I couldn't be understanding the English very much. They had all the many shops and many money but they go to this field with the mud and big pancakes from the cows on Sunday when they no working and no going to church. Then they are buying old things that the people were throwing away with the dust from out of the cars and on the tables for the wallpaper.
The English were calling it a boot for the end of the car where you no do the driving. Sometime I find English speak so much like the jigsaw puzzle with not enough of the pieces to finish. They were calling the shoes I walk the same as they were calling the end of a car for the shopping and the tyre that is not so flat. The England used to have so many countries to be running and they made all the inventions. I was always think they were too much clever. But now I no thinking like this. Sometime they had the two words for the one thing and were calling it different names like The Hammers and the West Ham. And other time they were not having many of the words enough and they call two things with the same name like the boot. So they had enough words but they waste them too much. They are having enough of the words to make everything be sounding different if they were really clever. I am thinking they don't like doing the organise anymore like they were tired.
When I got to my work I was very cold and had a drink of the Rosy Leaves. The first person I serve he was a man from the place where they do the building of the houses. He had the senorita name and pictures of the snakes on his arms under the hairs. I said, “We are very busy. It will be ten of the minutes for the burger.”
He said, “No problemo.”
He sound like he speak the Spanish for me and he was meaning 'No hay Problema'. I was speaking the Spanish as good as my mother's tongue so I speak him in the Spanish. His eyes became very big and his mouth was wide like the fishes. He didn't look like the Spanish man any more. I am now knowing he wasn't the Spanish man. So why did he do the speak the like the Spanish man? I wasn't knowing that. I was thinking now he was a little bit like the mad man. He was covered in the pictures of the snakes and monsters and he had taken his shirt away like he was on the holiday but the weather was cold like in the box for the food like rocks. But he was the still the very friendly man. He didn't seem to mind doing the waiting. All the English people were very happy doing the waiting in the lines. That was when they did the most speak about the weather.
I enjoy work on this day because I was happy to be in the love. After the work I went to the pub house in Bethnal Green to see my friendly girl who the English said was like a Doris. I was going to ask her twice time if she was wanting to marry me when it was all dark again. She was staying in my room in the night before. When it was still dark I ask her the first time to marry when we are waking up. She said it was too much early for the trouble and strife.
I will tell about the day I met this senorita I was loving with the name that was Tracey. One day I went into the pub house in Bethnal green on the way to my home place. It was the time when I was wearing still the hat in the blue and white. I met the senorita girl in there who was speaking the Spanish very good. She was speak to me in the Spanish for long time. She was the girl with the Tracey name and she tell me she had been to the work in Marbella in Espana for the one years time. She was very much the pretty girl. Very sexy in the English speak. The man selling the drink he say to me that she was like the knees of the bees. I stayed in the pub long time and the people were having good time with the singing. They were not talking about the weather this time. Most of the beer men were watching the football on the big television like the flicks.
One of the English who had been doing a lot of the drinking came up to me. He was looking like the very mad man with the pictures on his arms.
“You support Chelsea John?” He was doing the shouting at me and was wearing the claret and blue.
“I am not being called John. I am Ramon,” I said. The mad man was rocking like he was a little tree on the day that was being very much windy. The radio man who talks always about the weather would call him unsettled and blustery with the showers.
“I don't care about ya monica mate. You support Chelsea?”
I thought he was telling me to support the Chelsea. I didn't want to because I was supporting the Real Madrid a little.
“I am not supporting The Chelsea,” I said.
He pulled my hat and was throwing it on the ground and putting his feet on it very hard. He was telling me I was having the bubble bath to be wearing the blue and the white of the Chelsea. I was not understanding very good about the bath. I am only knowing now what he was saying because Tracey told me like the interpret man when we went to the police station.
The man put the punch of his fist on my face. It hurt very much and I was burning so I put my fist in the punch to his face so he could do the burning a little. He fell over and was lying on the floor like he wanted to do some of the sleeping. He was having the claret blood like a river. Three of his friends without the shirts were running after me out of the pub house. I was a very good at the fast running and they couldn't do the catching up. Tracey came run with me. I knew that she was the love for me then. She tell me to get the car that you pay the money to go to the police station where there are the old men called Bill. She was calling this car we gave the money a name that was sherbet dab. I was not understanding this. I was not understanding anything. In the car there was a man on a radio trying to do the speak to a man with the name like Charlie Hotel Foxtrot. The driving man was not wanting to speak to the radio man. I think the driving man was not having the Charlie Hotel Foxtrot name. Why didn't the radio man know who drive his car?
The police gave me the ride in the car back to the pub house with Tracey. They had a radio man doing the talking to a man called Charlie November Golf. The policeman was doing the speak with him. I thought the policeman they are always going toi be called Bill. Tracey she say it was not a sherbet car this time. I am thinking she was calling it the jam sandwich. When we got to the pub the policeman got my hat with the Chelsea name from the mad men who were not so angry for the police. The man on the floor had finished the sleep and the police put him in the sandwich car. I don't think he was going to pay to the police. Tracey said he would pay a man who she was calling The Beak.
Before the police go away they give me something called the advice. They told me not to wear my hat that was the blue and white in Bethnal Green if I did not want to meet the man they were calling Barney Rubble. If I was going somewhere called the West End it would be okay but in the Bethnal Green I would be safer to have the hat in the claret and the blue for the West Ham.
I brought my new hat from a shop that sold the sports. It had THE HAMMERS writing on it. The serving man tell me it was the same as for the West Ham. This time the hat was costing £9.99. I was wondering why West Ham was cost so much more of the money than the Chelsea. Tracey she tell me that the shop is always much more money than from the car boot in the field where the cows put the pancakes.
Since I wear the West Ham hat I am not having any more of the trouble. But I am understanding the English not so good. They are always speak more of the frog and toad words than when I always wear the Chelsea hat. Tracey tell me the new hat makes them always think I was being born in the Bethnal Green.
I met the Tracey girl in the pub house later and I asked her to marry me as it was no more early. She said it was still too much early but she was loving me. I was happy. The man who did me the punch he say sorry and ask me if I want to go to the Upton Park to see the West Ham. He gave me a book called The Cockney Rhyming Slang. I am feeling much more like Bethnal Green is home now. The English are not looking so much now like man who was is a little bit mad.
Comments
Opening: 5
Characterisation: 8
Dialogue: 5
Setting: 7
Plot: 5
Suspense=8
Ending: 8
Enjoyment: 8
comments: Most unusual story I have read in a while. Quite a job to write and to read it. I liked it best second time around.
Dorothy Spry