For Writers

By Writers

Ascriber / Writers Eyes Workshop - 4.

The Alien

Skip the Workshop take me straight to the submissions

This workshop is short but the potential is large in that it is to help you explore the English language for alternative words and set your imagination free.

You are an alien and you have just arrived on planet Earth. You see seas, rivers, land masses, cars, buses, people, trees, buildings and anything else that you can think of, but you can’t call them that, you must describe in a few words of each and everything you see.

Story writers - write a story of no more than 2000 words about an alien or group of aliens landing on earth.

Play writers - write a 10 minute play about two or three aliens landing on earth.

Article writers - either write a report sent back to home base from an alien of what he/she/it has seen or write a newspaper article on the return from earth of a team of alien astronauts who have visited Earth. The article or report should be in the order of 1500 words.

Poets - Describe our planet, or the nature of our planet - no more than 50 lines please.

Prose Submissions

MILLENIUM REPORT
by Judith Scott

Project 3A/5DB (Earth)

Re: ANIMAL HUSBANDRY PROJECT, AREA 3A (ENGLAND)

I am pleased to report that the animal husbandry experiment is progressing well. Due to the infiltration of agents into key positions, the project has gone unnoticed as yet by the great majority of subjects.

ENVIRONMENT:

These unique two-legged animals thrive and flourish under our factory farming conditions. I can safely say that no allegations of cruelty could possibly be levied against us, because the strange fact is that the creatures choose these conditions voluntarily as their natural habitat. Their confined environment of brick-built farming-units, maintained at a temperature of at least 20 degrees Centigrade, is extremely efficient insofar as it produces fine heavy-meat animals. The lethargy encouraged by these conditions also works to our advantage as the consequent low metabolic rate maintains bulk.

FATTENING:

In line with general policy, this is achieved painlessly. Certain foods create good heavy-meat breeds of both sexes. We simply make available - through our manufacturing/distribution agents in the fodder groups - High Growth Nutrients (HGN's) based on what they call SUGAR and FATS. Although some partisan minorities who suspect us try to warn them against HGN's, thanks to a stream of messages and images transmitted via the mind-Reducer, they eat them in large enough quantities for our needs. Great credit is due to Comrade D4 for his invention of the Static Mid-Frequency Mind Reducer, Audio-Visual Module. By placing it in the Central Letharge-Area where all the creatures in the one unit can see it, it effectively reduces movement to a minimum without any restraints at all having to be used.

STREAMLINING:

By using the audio-only module, we can quickly stimulate the required reactions in the young bacon-beasts who need sweating down. On receiving the audio-rhythm signal X42, speed A10), they automatically exercise non-stop until transmission ceases. This is done more efficiently by summoning large numbers of them to assemble in one place through the papersheet Visual-Only Manipulator Mark 11. They are very co-operative and react most co-operatively.

BREEDING:

Unlike us, they are not bisexual, but are divided into male and female, but this presents no problems. The likelihood is that there is enough production capacity here to feed our planet for the foreseeable future. Breeding is stimulated by visual and audio conditioning of all kinds. We call it 'Advertising'.

The male is very suggestive from an early age and responds well until quite old. They breed better when offered several mates, although occasionally, perhaps due to a failed earlier project of genetic experimentation, they try to mate with another male.. We have no record of this ever producing offspring.

The females do not seem to want to produce litters as often as is technically possible, although the males encourage it., especially the ones who benefit by the distribution of clothing and containers etc for the litters.

NB We expect to soon bypass this tedious method by the cloning process, which we have brought to their attention.

SLAUGHTERING:

These creatures have a very short life-span equal only to approximately =two of our years. Thus enough die naturally to be almost sufficient for our needs. We have speeded things up a little by introducing 'Mortem-Factors'. These are known by the creatures as CIGARETTES, ALCOHOL, AND DRUGS. They are medical in nature; they kill the creatures fairly painlessly while inducing a feeling of well-being; thus they co-operate well, and we keep our administrative personnel to a minimum.

There are also mechanical Mortem- Factors used ostensibly to transport the free-range animals. These artifacts known (see also under FLAVOURING ) account for about 20% of all contrived slaughterings.

Occasionally it is necessary to have a cull if there is a glut of male creatures, but this presents no problems either. Via the Audio-Visual Mind Reducers and the Papersheet Manipulators we can induce quite quickly the intense desire in the animals to kill each other. We are helped in this by the Herd Leaders who often stand to gain in many ways from a Cull.

The project can be presented as

1.. RELIGIOUS. The basic tenet of this is the idea of Peace, Love and Fellowship. It is our most successful line as it results in more slaughterings than any other stimulant.
2.. (b) TERRITORIAL. All groups of creatures appear to bitterly resent other groups encroaching on their own 'territory', and will quickly attempt to kill them. As soon as this is achieved, THEY immediately encroach on neighbouring territory and it all starts again. Another very effective method.
NB We are promoting a new idea for the next cull which will result in the carcasses being cooked for 'ready-meals'. See more of this in the general File under " N, NUCLEAR "

FLAVOURINGS.

This presented some initial difficulty as our most popular flavours were not present in this meat. Research showed that the chemicals involved were alien to their normal diet. However, Lead being a firm favourite on our planet, the previously mentioned Mortem-Factor was fuelled with a propellant that resulted in large quantities of lead being absorbed painlessly from the atmosphere by the Earth creatures. Other popular flavours such as nitrates, dioxides, sodium derivatives etc. were introduced into their fodder, and with the help of a little conditioning via the AV Mind-Reducer they began to enjoy these additives and think them beneficial. Other substances given to them by their medicine-men with great frequency also tenderise and flavour quite delightfully.

PRESERVATION:

Essentially the same approach- by feeding them chemicals ostensibly designed to preserve their fodder, we find the carcasses last amazingly well. Some growths may be noted on the offal but these are not detrimental to the flavour of the meat as a whole.

PACKAGING AND DESPATCH:

The creatures do have an ideal that after they die they are transported SOMEWHERE. Of course they do not know of our planet, and thus call their destination 'HEAVEN'. To facilitate this, they very helpfully crate each carcass individually. In some cases they even freeze them for us, although these particular ones have a quaint notion that they will be "awoken" on arrival. Perhaps it could be interesting to do so? We could even allow another one to return and extol the virtues of our planet, now that the effects of the first experiment in that direction have almost worn off?

GENERAL:

It did seem at one time as if the more intelligent of the creatures were beginning to suspect our presence. To forestall this possible source of trouble, we quickly infiltrated their so-called Education System . We are happy to report that as a result of our prompt action the intelligence level has been easily reduced to not more that zero+10 practically across the board.

I will report again if there is any change in the basic conditions detailed above. None are expected.

Otherwise you will hear from me as scheduled, in ten Earth-decades, by which time I hope we shall have solved the only problem so far encountered in our adaptation of the Earth Factory-Farm Colony. I refer to the fact that after a period on a diet of Earth Creatures, one side-effect has become apparent:

To the discerning diner, they can leave a strangely unpleasant aftertaste.

Comments

I wonder if Judith would consider using this piece as the basis for a larger work? It would be interesting to see a longer story, perhaps from two alternating viewpoints : Human dissident / alien harvester.
How would the Harvester react to problems from a human's guerrila tactics, and would a small group of people who realised what was actually going on be able to compete with his/her methods? From what I have read here, I am confident that Judith could tackle the subject in considerably more depth and still hold the reader's attention. She certainly caught mine!
Janis Robertson.

Very inventive. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. A good well-written article throughout. I would like to see this writer tackle a story with the conventions of storyline, characterisation and plot - and see how the work shapes up. She clearly possesses considerable talent.
Stig Geiger

A MEETING OF LIKE MINDS
by Janis M. Robertson

Log – Ygrch one.

We have arrived. Great excitement among the crew; such a myriad of colours for which we have no names has made us quite dizzy. It was tempting to exit our vehicle and take a look with our unprotected visual appendages. However, sanity prevailed when the Medical Officer pointed out that the gasses seething around this planet would most likely be inimical to our health – perhaps even suddenly so. Samples are currently being analysed.

Our mission is to determine if intelligence exists here, and, if it does, we are to attempt to make contact. It has been so lonely for our kind, isolated as we have been by our own superior intellect for so long.

Log – Ygrch two.

Our second pass over the planetary surface has revealed even more surprises; parts of this world seem more (or less!) solid than others. Large bodies of liquid – samples of which are under analysis – appear to cover much of the surface. Several objects have been observed on the surfaces of these liquid masses, apparently moving with purpose as opposed to random chance.

Observations indicate that these objects are not of themselves biological, raising questions concerning our assumption that intelligent life is likely to be found in a species who’s life-form shares similar biological roots to our own.

However, it is upon the more solid masses that we have noted the most promising signs that we are, after all, not alone in the universe.

Structures rise in clusters. We are almost unanimously convinced that they are not naturally occurring phenomena – with the exception of our main Spiritual Advisor, who claims that we cannot hope to understand the mysteries of creation. Yet there is something compellingly suggestive of gathering places about these structures that convinces me that we should engage in further study.

Log – Ygrch three.

We have found a place close to an area where the strange structures noted before are densely packed. This place is pleasant, the colours restful, and a much smaller body of liquid crosses it in a meandering rather than a straight fashion. Analysis has shown that this liquid, although similar to the larger liquid masses examined earlier, has characteristics of its own.

Closer observation of the structures themselves has revealed apertures. Yes! These openings act as access and egress to and from the structures, for we have seen beings entering and leaving at intervals.

(Note: Our Spiritual Advisor is still not convinced that this is any more than a display of opportunistic behaviour – e.g. a lesser being making use of a natural feature or the edifices created by a superior race in order to gain shelter.)

Log – Ygrch four.

There can be no doubt now that life is abundant here; we have taken note of over 147 interesting forms. Most of these are clearly not the intelligent life form that we seek. Three forms, however, appear with sufficient regularity to engage our deeper interest. (Note: Our Spiritual Advisor believes that we are searching in the wrong place. He argues that we should seek intelligence in the larger, liquid areas, for, as they form the greater part of the planetary surface, the concentration of intelligent life is most likely to be found there.)

The first life form we observed seemed somewhat perpendicular in shape, perambulating awkwardly on two dangling appendages. A vaguely spherical blob perched precariously on a fragile tubular construction, which connected it to the rest of the body. At first glance, the strange, fabric coverings appeared to indicate that some intelligence must have been required in their making, yet these beings habitually moved around without any discernable purpose. (Even Our Spiritual Advisor agrees that this species does not display any real evidence of intellect.)

The second two are less easy to distinguish. Both move swiftly and efficiently, their horizontal forms propelled along by four extremely stabilising appendages. Similarly, their natural warm coverings are serviceable and practical.

It has been proposed – and shown – by our Medical Officer that the perpendicular beings serve the horizontal ones, attending to their needs; bathing them, cleaning their coverings and preparing their meals. It seems conclusive that the perpendicular beings are dull beasts of burden, and the two species of horizontal creatures are their masters. We are in a quandary; which of these beings do we approach first? We would not wish to offend the dominant species by first making contact with a (possibly) lesser one.

Certainly, the smaller species, which appears to be more numerous and agile, struts around the spaces surrounding the structures proudly as if patrolling territory. This may be the indication we need.

Log – Ygrch five.

Further observations have proved us to be quite wrong concerning the dominant, intelligent species foremost on this planet. How could we have been so stupid? As Captain and head of the expedition, it should have been obvious to me. I am in charge here, so I give the orders, which my crew then obey. Therefore, the beings in charge here will also be the ones who give the orders. What a simple piece of deductive reasoning!

The smaller, horizontal beings, although clearly quick and alert, are seldom , if ever, heard to make demands. It is likely, then, that they are not in command.

The larger species of horizontally inclined beings, conversely, frequently communicates with the perpendicular types through a series of short, sharp commands. Unfortunately, simple as these commands seem to be, we have repeatedly seen evidence that they must be issued several times before the stupid, blundering under-species understands sufficiently to obey.

Our Spiritual Advisor has been much struck by the fact that, in order to ensure that members of the dim-witted perpendicular species go where they are supposed to, the dominant species often has to actually drag them there on the end of some kind of tether!

We are, nevertheless, convinced that the species, which we consider to be the dominant one here, is likely to be well disposed and friendly. The Medical Officer has made a convincing case in their favour; He has noted with interest that this dominant species displays kindness to the smaller perpendiculars (he takes these to be the young of this under-species), frequently allowing them to indulge in playful activities, and even encouraging them in this amusing form of education.

So it has been decided; when the next bright time arrives in this segment of the planet, we will make our first open approach. How wonderful it will be to finally meet another species with whom to discuss the mysteries of the universe. Our Spiritual Advisor is excited at the prospect of being able to instruct another species on Creation Politics, and the love and mercy of The Great Creator, possibly even converting new believers to the true path.

As for me, I am already rehearsing what I will say to our newfound, four appendaged, horizontal friends...

Comments

Excellent, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. How well Janis seems to portray the human race and what a wonderful surprise ending as well.
Please, please, tell us what happened when they made their landing and met their newfound, four appendaged, horizontal friends.
Pauline Street

The Forbidden Planet
by Steve Britain

Any starship commander passing the inter galactic explorer would have considered the little craft to be completely out of control. This was exactly the impression that clone Six-O intended but the strange tumbling motion he had achieved was aiming him directly towards Galaxis Lepras and his goal, the forbidden planet. Well away from the clutching arms of clone-wife M230f.

It might be considered that a clone was unable to take decisive action that contravened any orders, but not all clones could be made perfect. There were occasions that the cloners, aware of their own Godlike ability would throw in a few of their own genes for good measure, just to improve the brew as it were. With the great distances their prodigy travelled, it would be several light years before their misdemeanours would be found out and by that time, the authorities could do little about it anyway.

Six-O strapped himself into his zargo seat and waited for it to contour itself to his small frame then flicked the switch on his powered down transgabbler to send a final message to control. He thought for a moment, he really needed to say something brave as did Magon, the great hero that all clones were modelled after when he was skidding towards the edge of the universe and into oblivion. Then he pictured all that officialdom waiting for his last testimony, hoping for a heroic statement to temper the fact that they'd need to go cap in hand to the exchequer for his replacement, and switched it off again. If they could make nothing better for him than that nagging clone-wife, M230f, who had already lined up jobs for him to do on his return, and they weren't even certified natural producers yet, then they could wait for evermore.

The planet glowed bluely before him as he released the control restraints that had made his course so erratic and settled down for entry. There was a slight jolting that could be felt even through his special seat and he could begin to see a soft glow on the Extro tube, the screen that kept watch on the outside of his craft. A slight adjustment to his control and the vibration melted away and the glow subsided and he knew that he had the balance just right. Swivelling the Extro tube's sensor, he was able to look beneath him. A level bluey green surface almost fluoresced up towards him, while a lumpy yellow interspersed with green mass, stretched evilly alongside it. He chose the bluey green and waited for contact.

At first he thought his extro tube had gone on the blink and smacked it hard with one tiny hand but his gauges confirmed what his eyes were now seeing. The strange world was swallowing him up and what was even worse, an immense creature with neither legs nor wings was following him down and this same creature had a mouth to match its size. Visions of that book his cloners used to read him as he gathered his size came back to him. The story of J one A being eaten by just such a creature, and he pressed the emo button, hurling himself upwards out of the murk. Then gently operating the controls, he lowered himself onto the lumpy, yellow and green, evil looking area. It certainly was a most an unusual world.

The touch down was just that. A gentle touch and he was firmly on the strata. Now to adjust his size, the simple rule was to match it with any living creature that he could see but the only creature he'd seen so far was the monster in the murk and even though his size generator was the latest issue, it would be hard pressed to extend him to those proportions. He decided to set it on auto and hope for the best. According to the manual, he should also check on what coverings the creatures used so that he could match himself as closely as possible and cause no alarm. But the manual said nothing about what you should do if you could see no creatures. He decided to wear nothing but chose a delicate green colour for his skin. Green seemed a reasonable colour, he really preferred blue but after falling foul in the blue landing area, he decided to keep clear of it for a while and opened the hatch to the outside world.

The freshness of the atmosphere took his breath away and he stood gasping, adjusting his body to accept it. After five hundred light years in the same recycled geno system he missed the familiar smells around him but at last was able to straighten his body and look around him. His feet were making marks in the surface and he studied it closely, perhaps other beings, more alien than himself might have their left marks here.

There was a hole with slight scratch marks around it by his feet. He waited. A small black twitching nose appeared and looked up at him. He felt his size generator flip into action and was suddenly peering into the beings sharply pointed features and aware of the two large teeth less than a centihalf from his own face. He reached quickly for the adjuster button on his size adjuster but as he did so his arm was gripped tight and he was whirled upwards and off his feet. A great whooshing sound and the atmosphere was being broken into a million pieces. He twisted his neck and looked up. A great black thing with wings, was flapping him upwards and he had left his own wings back in his craft. This would take some careful manipulation. He flipped the button and the black flapping contraption seemed a little smaller as he grew in size. He flipped again, he must make himself bigger but only enough to make the thing set him down. Too big and he could be dropped and the surface already looked a long way beneath him. Slowly the animal began to tire and Six-O saw the surface getting nearer. Large stone structures were rising from it and just by one, slightly larger than most, set in a grey surface with creatures of all colours speeding around it, he was dropped.

There was a small patch of blue, but this time it was more of a grey blue and a great spout of the same substance shot skywards broke, fell back and shattered the surface so that it was tossed about untidily. Six-O fell down into this. He had no time to adjust his breath manipulator and gasped in a great chunk of the surface making it difficult to breath. That's when one of the creatures in flapping covers dropped a round, bouncy thing which bumped along the greyness and into the surface beside him. The creature reached out for it and Six-O's size adjuster whirled into action so swiftly, his legs buckled beneath him and seated him firmly on the bottom of the surface, but still he grew, and he shot through the top, facing the creature peering in his direction. A peculiar noise emanated from its mouthpiece it must be speech and his talk translator whirred inside his head.

"It.. It's Excalibur."

Another creature joined the first. "Don't be silly, Excalibur's a sword. It's a Piskie - look it's green and it's got big ears."

"It's a Piskie, It's a piskie!" the first creature started excitedly, and soon a whole herd of them surrounded the surface where Six-O sat.

"It's a piskie, It's a piskie." They linked their arms and started prancing around him.

A screeching noise in the distance and the creatures stopped for a moment.

"What's going on?" A voice much louder than those around him.

"It's a piskie, Miss!"

Another head appeared, more mature, older? "Don't be silly, it's only a stupid boy." She looked at Six-O, her face sort of contorted. "Get out, go and get dried and report to Mr. Hinchcliff... and get that green stuff off you."

Six-O stood up. There was a gasp followed by a funny wobbling sound that he couldn't interpret. The next noise he could though, and he also recognised the anger in it.

"Sit down, you dirty little boy. How dare you! I'll get Mr. Hinchcliff myself. Just stay there and don't you dare move until you've got some clothes on." She grabbed at some of the other creatures, pulling them away. "Come away girls get back to your classes."

"But it's only a piskie Miss.. and anyway my brother's got a bigger one." Six-O heard arguments going off into the distance and pulled himself out of the substance. They obviously didn't like his naked appearance and he'd left all his coverings in his craft. He'd have to find some from somewhere. But there's something called the magic of childhood and where those children had been playing some of the magic had been left behind, and it started working with a sort of buzzing sound. Six-O looked around him, a weird flying contraption of the like he'd never seen before came swaying towards him. Small, with transparent wings, a long shiny blue body and six legs but the size was only relative and as Six-O's size adjuster slipped into action he could see it more clearly as it settled beside him. It was a massive beast, with a huge ugly head but there, held within a webwork of straps, a being dressed in gossamer and wearing flimsy coverings, that did very little covering sat on its back. It was also wearing a pair of wings, similar to the pair that Six-O had left in his craft.

"Do you need some help?" It was a cheery voice and Six-O waited for his talk translator to work. Instead it switched itself off.

"I said, do you need some help?"

Six-O understood the being perfectly and realised it was speaking in his very own mind talk. "I.. I crashed."

"We know," the being said. "We found your craft. Climb up behind me and I'll take you to some friends."

The creature took off again and soon the pair were buzzing through the atmos, over masses of green and the occasional patches and ribbons of silvery blue. At the sight of this colour so the creature went almost wild and the controller had a great deal of trouble keeping it on course. Then eventually, below them, was a settlement and what was more, it was of the type that Six-O was familiar with. Self generating and arranged in a circle, each habitat with a great domed roof set on a single pillar.

The creature set them down by the largest habitat and Six-O counted the white spots born on its red roof, qua centi, it must be a very important dwelling. Back in his other world it was rare to see more than qua panko.

A small figure emerged from the base, a deep purple colour and Six-O felt compelled to bow before him.

"Welcome Six-O," the figure said. "We've been expecting you."

"But.. but."

The figure held his hand up, commanding silence. "You have not yet recognised me. I am your precursor, I am Magon."

"But you fell to oblivion!" Six-O couldn't help himself, though he had to admit that this beings personage was familiar with Magon's equal personage kept at control.

"No, Six-O. I came here, I founded a new world - That's why this planet is forbidden. But all clones modelled after me will eventually find me. It's in their genes and Control can do nothing about it." He held up both arms expansively. "You are welcome to share my world with me."

Six-O looked about him, his mind working in syncro gear so that his thoughts couldn't be read. At least M230f wouldn't be here. And things did look fairly familiar. It could be a home from home, or even better without that clinging clone-wife. "Are there enough habitats?" he said at last.

"There are plenty and when you choose your personage, one will be allocated."

"Choose my personage?"

"Oh yes, we find it quite inconvenient to keep adjusting our sizes, so we choose what we want to be. For example, we've got Leprachauns at thirty centi halfs, fairies at ten, elves, pixies and a whole host of others. But before I go into too much detail we've a little ceremony to perform."

Several beings of different shapes, sizes and coverings surrounded him. A large screen, glowing in a myriad colours was held in front of him. This ceremony could only be one thing. The certification of natural producers. Wow! Good job his clone-wife wasn't here to see this.

The screen parted, a figure emerged dressed totally in transparent coverings. Shapely? Well, reasonable so for a clone, except that.. except that.. Only one clone wife ever used that body tint, deepest pink with bright orange stripes. It had to be.. It had to be.

"Hullo Six-O," M230f said. "I thought I'd find you here. Isn't it marvellous now they've invented time travel!"

Comments

What a wonderful imagination Steve Britain has: science fiction and 'the little people' mix together with apparently effortless ease, the one explaining/ complimenting the other.

While sympathising with the hero, I couldn't help but smile (perhaps because I am a woman) at his come-uppance at the end.

The goal of any writer of fiction must be to entertain; Steve certainly entertained me.
Janis Robertson